Brian’s Online Dating Application

By BrianX | June 8th, 1999

These questions were designed to ensure the happiness and safety of both Brian and the applicant. Brian is an equal opportunity boyfriend.

Remember that Brian respects your online privacy, and would never give this information to anyone unless it was really really funny!

Part 1: Demographic Information     Name: Email address: Website: Phone number: City/Town: Province/State: Country: Part 2: Personal Information Gender Sexual Orientation Female Heterosexual Male Homosexual Neither Bi-curious Both Bi-sexual Measurements (optional): Current or Completed Education Level: Current or Intended Occupation: High School Diploma Health-field  College degree Education Bachelor’s degree Business Master’s degree Housewife PhD Engineer/science Post-doc Performance/artist Other Career student    Other Part 3: Past “Relations” Previous Dating Experience 1: name: Position: Boyfriend Girlfriend Casual Fling Camp Counselor Employer Parent Pizza Delivery Boy     Start/end dates: Reason for breakup: Differences Abuse Geographic Distance Changing Idealisms Court Order Other Party Cheated Parental Intervention Promoted from Delivery to Cook Caught Applying for New Boyfriend       Previous Dating Experience 2: name: Position: Boyfriend Girlfriend Casual Fling Camp Counselor Employer Parent Pizza Delivery Boy     Start/end dates: Reason for breakup: Differences Abuse Geographic Distance Changing Idealisms Court Order Other Party Cheated Parental Intervention Promoted from Delivery to Cook Caught Applying for New Boyfriend        Previous Sexual Experience: Nun wannabe - Still a virgin Little experience - Started getting some and want more Experienced - Have had some and crave more Been around - Have a lot of experience, possibly even a reputation Been everywhere - Definitely have a rep       Part 4: True Facts I smoke on occasion My name is Monica Lewinsky I pronounced “Sade” correctly the first time I’m in a sorority I know what FTP stands for I love sweets I have forgotten someone’s phone number but remembered their email address I have spent more than 60 days in prison I love sex/I’m a nymphomaniac (Note: This will not count against you) I need more than 6 hours of sleep per night I occasionally do light drugs (e.g., marijuana) I occasionally do hard drugs (e.g., extacy) I have been approached by modeling agencies I can’t wake up without my morning caffeine There is an odometer on my bed I’m a member of a law enforcement or government agency I have a tongue, nose, or belly button  ring I know my mother’s daughter’s name I tend to wake up hot and bothered I have tatoos I know what Kanuk is   Part 5: Short Essays Describe your perfect first date: What are you looking for in a relationship? How would you incorporate “42″ into your life? Is there anything else I should know? After sending it in, you’ll be re-directed to the homepage.